Spinning Plates

The art of spinning plates takes hand-eye coordination, stability and balance. Much like life. I’m not sure about you, but my plates seem to come crashing down, usually at the most inopportune times, like when a huge deadline needs to be met or the school is calling for a conference.

Being a working parent is more difficult now than ever before. Most no longer have the luxury of having one parent at home to care for the children and the affairs of the house, while the other works outside of the home. 58.5% of married couples both worked outside the home in 2011. This percentage could have been potentially higher had it not been for the high unemployment rate that was at a staggering 11.5% for couples living in the same home. And the number of single parent homes? The last Census calculated in 2008 states the rate of single parent households at 29.5%, or 10,536,000 that support children under the age of 18.

So, we spin plates. Managing both work and life is a delicate balancing act. Lean too much in one direction and those plates start wobbling, threatening to crash down around your tired, swollen feet. It takes practice, time management, sacrifice, compromise, and financial and emotional support. Even when all those things have been put into practice, there are times when I still feel unbalanced and on the verge of crashing. When that starts to happen, here are some tactics I take to minimize the fallout and get back on track:

Division of Labor

If you live with your significant other, sitting down and talking about who does what and when can help to reduce the hard feelings that occur when one feels like they are doing more than the other. Creating a realistic division of labor is absolutely essential to maintaining a healthy relationship, especially when both work outside of the home. In my home, my husband does his own laundry and he cooks dinner about 3 times a week. I do most of the house cleaning, but he tinkers with the things that need to be fixed or better organized, as well as clean the places I can’t reach. Of course there are weeks when one of us is doing more than the other, but at least there is sense of balance that we can go back to. Oh, and we don’t argue about household chores as much as we used to, which is awesome.

Manage Your Time

I literally start with blank Excel spreadsheet and create a week broken out into 30 minute intervals for each day. I list EVERYTHING, including when I wake up, daily deadlines, transportation time, kid’s activities, meals, even time to relax and catch up on my favorite shows. Realistically you aren't going to follow it to a T, but breaking out your time in this way can give you a good indication of where most of your time is being spent and where you can cut back to allow for others that need a higher priority or more of your time in order to accomplish what you need to do each week. See example below.

Set a Goal and Work Toward It

 A great resource to help pinpoint what goals are realistic and attainable is the line of Franklin Covey products. In the starter pack included in their planners, they ask a series of questions that drill down into a mission statement supported by goals and actions that you can take to make the most of your time and attain the things you want to get out of life, whether it’s a better relationship with your spouse or a promotion at work. Once you've pinpointed what you want to work toward, schedule time each week to take a small step in attaining it. Before you know it, you've accomplished your goal! This method of goal planning by Franklin Covey gave me the clarity and organization I needed to graduate from college while also working and taking care of a 16 year old and 3 month old within 3 years. I highly recommend it.

Just Say “No”

Between work, charity events, soccer games, church, professional networking and taking care of your home and those who live in it, if you said “yes” to everything that you were ever invited to, you would (1) never be home, ever, (2) need to be at two to three places at the same time multiple times a week, and (3) burn out. Only attend those events that will help you meet your goals, doesn't compromise any of the time allotted on your schedule, and/or is something that you consider personally important. For me, I've scaled back on some professional networking events, I never schedule anything on Sundays unless it’s a family member’s birthday. My husband and I feel that team sports are important in helping kids’ work as a part of a team and to use all that energy they aren't able to expend while in school, so we encourage them to join at least one sport a year. These priorities work for both my family and my own needs, so I don’t feel guilty anymore for having to politely decline other invitations.

Ask For Help

Recently, during a move, I became so overwhelmed with everything that had to be done I was in tears whenever I pulled out my to-do list. I was only able to take one day off of work to get try and get everything done over a long weekend. My grandmother offered to help with the mountain of laundry that had accumulated and to clean out the old house. She did not have to ask twice. In a perfect world, I would have been able to get everything done myself. But, as I have sadly realized, nothing is ever perfect—even that one lady that is always dressed like she’s about to walk down the runway and whose house is always immaculate. I guarantee that she had some help getting herself and her home to perfection.

Hire Someone

If your yard constantly looks overgrown, hire the kid down the street to come mow it. Hire a cleaning service to scrub your toilets when you feel like you are going to upchuck dinner every time you step into the bathroom because you haven’t had time scrub it yourself in 3 weeks. You don’t have shell out your whole paycheck, most individuals are willing to negotiate a bit or you can limit how often they come. If the little bit of time it saves gives you the freedom to spend more quality time with your family, then it is completely worth the cost.

Managing all the facets of our busy lives and finding balance is difficult but it is realistic. You will burn out, slip up and forget important tasks, and have to repackage store bought cookies into a tin to bring to the class birthday party. It’s ok, it happens to the best of us. This year has been one of the more challenging years in managing my time and stress level, equivalent only to my senior year of college when I was working part-time, taking 15 credit hours a semester, working an internship, juggling odd jobs for extra cash and taking care of growing family. It took a thorough reevaluation, scaling back and priority and goal checking to get me back on a less stressful path, then and now. I wouldn't have it any other way though—I love my family, my career, my free time and I WILL do it all. If I can become a master plate spinner, so can you. Just ignore those broken pieces on the floor and try again.

© 2012 Kara O'Ferrell
May not be reproduced without prior permission.

Managing the Micromanager

She’s there, hovering over you like a helicopter, scoping out your every move. He’s there, with his passive aggressive BCC you know he’s added to every email. That’s right; it’s your micromanager, digesting every word you type, recording every semi-failure and success. But all you hear, the only feedback you get is negative. Here’s the thing though--it’s their job. And most likely, they are doing it well. Otherwise, they wouldn't have been put in that position in the first place.

In every position I have ever had, in every company I have ever worked for, there is a micromanager, albeit with varying degrees of “micro.” It can be especially difficult for those who are free-spirited, or highly organized, as well as those who have a high sense of work ethic and find it an insult to be tracked down and made to explain the strategy used, regardless if that strategy was a mandate handed down in the first place. It can kill morale, personal productivity and make a once dream job a nightmare to wake up to each morning. There are some strategies you can use to lessen the feelings of dread as you walk into the office each morning, something that I have had to remind myself of each time I encounter one of those highly energetic, over-bearing leaders.

Find the Pain Point

Literally, this is the point where you are telling yourself, “OMG, s/he is such a pain in my ass.” More times than not, this pain-in-the-ass moment is generally reoccurring over the course of time. It could be a deadline, a report, something that is expected of you that you completely have control over, but they “just want to make sure” it’s being completed. You know it’s being done; you more than likely have the proof. The solution: be proactive. Deliver the product/service/task before its due date (or time). You know it has to be done anyway. It may take a week or so to juggle it better into your schedule, but not having those pesky, snarky emails waiting in your inbox is well worth the effort.

Flattery is to Ego Like Pollen is to Bees

Yep. Flattery calms the crap storm of the unknown. Micromanagers need to have their hands into everything because they are usually very uncomfortable with the unknown. They NEED to know what’s going on in every facet so that they themselves can be calm. A simple, “Thank you so much for your help” or, “You’re a rock star!” will help to alleviate their own insecurities and restate the fact that they already purport--they really are doing a great job (regardless if the poking and investigating of others work is actually helpful or productive). It only takes a few seconds to say or type these sentiments, which saves you time in the long run when you are left alone to do your job later in the day rather than reporting your progress every hour. Reassurance from you that the job is, in fact, getting done with a little bit of flattery attached will pay itself two-fold, not to mention help you have a better working relationship with said manager. Don’t go crazy though, you want it to be sincere. Consider it your job to put the cherry on top; it’s not your job to ice the whole cake.

Network Like a Champion

I am a huge proponent of networking. Getting yourself noticed is half the battle. Volunteer for committees, take your place at a table with the rest of your office at charitable events, and crash a reasonable meeting or two (if you can). Your micromanager’s managers will most likely be there and it can’t hurt to have others know your name, what you do for the company and what you can contribute in the future. If your micromanager is there, they will see you taking an interest and may lay off a bit if they feel you are invested in a project. Networking takes practice, much like public speaking, to do it well. The only way to network is to start though, and you never know, it may lead to a promotion or other career move. You can also take pride in helping to come up with a new strategy for the company, or helping those in need among your community. That’s a plus.

Second to Last Resort

If you have been proactive in your work, you’re using flattery in response rather than the impertinent ones in your head and communication is at a stale and volatile pace, it may be time for a sit down, face-to-face and lay it all out on the table kind of meeting. This one is tricky. Note the recommendation above for flattery. You will have to be tactful and you will need to be professional. This is not a time for two fingers of scotch. Or eight. Best leave the cocktails for after the meeting, once you see their tail lights growing smaller. Also, once conversation has commenced, speak with terms of, “It makes me feel...” and follow up with concrete examples and facts of how you have done your job, on time and on task. If for some reason the job hasn't been done on time or on task, provide an overly adequate explanation why, otherwise you’re a bleeding cast away awaiting for that first deadly shark bite.

The Last Resort

Go over her/his head and speak to the next manager in line. You never know, you may not be the only one with the same complaint. Again, tactfulness and professionalism is a must, as well as concrete examples of wrong doing on their part and right doing on your part. You don’t want to be denoted as the complainer, the slacker, etc. Once you've reached this level in the chain, expect their manager to question them afterwards and to provide documentation. Be prepared and have documentation ready to hand over to support your conversation. It’s important that you cover yourself if, well, it all hits the fan. Because it will.

Lastly, remember that the micromanager was put into that particular position because they are detailed-oriented and committed (for the most part, there are some that should not be where they are, but it’s not our position to question it, not yet anyways) to overseeing a complex process. They are probably under some pretty strict deadlines which mean without the work you do, they can’t do their jobs properly. Morale may be down, but with the confidence and pride that you take in the work you do, that can be overcome, along with their badgering with some strategic changes. Just remember, be proactive, flatter, hold your tongue and get lost in what you once loved to do—your job, the thing you do best.

© 2012 Kara O'Ferrell
May not be reproduced without prior permission.