The art of spinning plates takes hand-eye coordination,
stability and balance. Much like life. I’m not sure about you, but my plates
seem to come crashing down, usually at the most inopportune times, like when a
huge deadline needs to be met or the school is calling for a conference.
Being a working parent is more difficult now than ever
before. Most no longer have the luxury of having one parent at home to care for
the children and the affairs of the house, while the other works outside of the
home. 58.5% of married couples both worked outside the home in 2011. This percentage
could have been potentially higher had it not been for the high unemployment rate
that was at a staggering 11.5% for couples living in the same home. And the number of single parent homes? The last Census calculated in 2008 states the rate of single parent households at 29.5%, or 10,536,000 that support children under the age of 18.
So, we spin plates. Managing both work and life is a
delicate balancing act. Lean too much in one direction and those plates start
wobbling, threatening to crash down around your tired, swollen feet. It takes
practice, time management, sacrifice, compromise, and financial and emotional
support. Even when all those things have been put into practice, there are
times when I still feel unbalanced and on the verge of crashing. When that
starts to happen, here are some tactics I take to minimize the fallout and get
back on track:
Division of Labor
If you live with your significant other, sitting down and
talking about who does what and when can help to reduce the hard feelings that
occur when one feels like they are doing more than the other. Creating a
realistic division of labor is absolutely essential to maintaining a healthy
relationship, especially when both work outside of the home. In my home, my
husband does his own laundry and he cooks dinner about 3 times a week. I do
most of the house cleaning, but he tinkers with the things that need to be
fixed or better organized, as well as clean the places I can’t reach. Of course
there are weeks when one of us is doing more than the other, but at least there
is sense of balance that we can go back to. Oh, and we don’t argue about
household chores as much as we used to, which is awesome.
Manage Your Time
I literally start with blank Excel spreadsheet and create a
week broken out into 30 minute intervals for each day. I list EVERYTHING,
including when I wake up, daily deadlines, transportation time, kid’s activities,
meals, even time to relax and catch up on my favorite shows. Realistically you aren't going to follow it to a T, but breaking out your time in this way can give
you a good indication of where most of your time is being spent and where you
can cut back to allow for others that need a higher priority or more of your
time in order to accomplish what you need to do each week. See example below.
Set a Goal and Work Toward It
A great resource to
help pinpoint what goals are realistic and attainable is the line of Franklin Covey products. In the starter pack included in their planners, they ask a series of questions
that drill down into a mission statement supported by goals and actions that
you can take to make the most of your time and attain the things you want to
get out of life, whether it’s a better relationship with your spouse or a
promotion at work. Once you've pinpointed what you want to work toward, schedule
time each week to take a small step in attaining it. Before you know it, you've accomplished your goal! This method of goal planning by Franklin Covey gave me
the clarity and organization I needed to graduate from college while also working
and taking care of a 16 year old and 3 month old within 3 years. I highly recommend
it.
Just Say “No”
Between work, charity events, soccer games, church,
professional networking and taking care of your home and those who live in it,
if you said “yes” to everything that you were ever invited to, you would (1)
never be home, ever, (2) need to be at two to three places at the same time
multiple times a week, and (3) burn out. Only attend those events that will
help you meet your goals, doesn't compromise any of the time allotted on your
schedule, and/or is something that you consider personally important. For me, I've scaled back on some professional networking events, I never schedule anything
on Sundays unless it’s a family member’s birthday. My husband and I feel that team
sports are important in helping kids’ work as a part of a team and to use all
that energy they aren't able to expend while in school, so we encourage them to
join at least one sport a year. These priorities work for both my family and my
own needs, so I don’t feel guilty anymore for having to politely decline other invitations.
Ask For Help
Recently, during a move, I became so overwhelmed with
everything that had to be done I was in tears whenever I pulled out my to-do
list. I was only able to take one day off of work to get try and get everything
done over a long weekend. My grandmother offered to help with the mountain of
laundry that had accumulated and to clean out the old house. She did not have
to ask twice. In a perfect world, I would have been able to get everything done
myself. But, as I have sadly realized, nothing is ever perfect—even that one
lady that is always dressed like she’s about to walk down the runway and whose
house is always immaculate. I guarantee that she had some help getting herself
and her home to perfection.
Hire Someone
If your yard constantly looks overgrown, hire the kid down
the street to come mow it. Hire a cleaning service to scrub your toilets when
you feel like you are going to upchuck dinner every time you step into the
bathroom because you haven’t had time scrub it yourself in 3 weeks. You don’t have
shell out your whole paycheck, most individuals are willing to negotiate a bit
or you can limit how often they come. If the little bit of time it saves gives
you the freedom to spend more quality time with your family, then it is
completely worth the cost.
Managing all the facets of our busy lives and finding
balance is difficult but it is realistic. You will burn out, slip up and forget
important tasks, and have to repackage store bought cookies into a tin to bring
to the class birthday party. It’s ok, it happens to the best of us. This year
has been one of the more challenging years in managing my time and stress
level, equivalent only to my senior year of college when I was working part-time,
taking 15 credit hours a semester, working an internship, juggling odd jobs for
extra cash and taking care of growing family. It took a thorough reevaluation, scaling
back and priority and goal checking to get me back on a less stressful path,
then and now. I wouldn't have it any other way though—I love my family, my
career, my free time and I WILL do it all. If I can become a master plate
spinner, so can you. Just ignore those broken pieces on the floor and try
again.
© 2012 Kara O'Ferrell
May not be reproduced without prior permission.
© 2012 Kara O'Ferrell
May not be reproduced without prior permission.